Welcome to today's episode of Hi & Stuff. Today we're dicussing helicopter parenting. The pieces I’m reading are entitled "Mom Bag," "Chapbook ‘22 intro, page 16: Intro to the creator and the created," "Chopper Mom," "Still (Makes Me Angry,)" and "My Son's Wife is Married to Another Man." Parenting can be scary. With autism, caregivers get a lot of stress and so much to cope with. Hi and Stuff is here to help caregivers understand the autism spectrum and how to stop to rest and care for themselves, too. Put the “pause” in mom-opause!
Caregivers get so overwhelmed caring for others that we tend to forget to take care of ourselves. I’ve faced challenges and setbacks. Won’t you join me on my mom-opause journey? Your midlife process may be similar to mine.
I’m a non-traditional (older) full-time doctoral student at Binghamton working on my memoir. I read some of my writing aloud on every episode of the podcast.
Stigma And The A's Continued...
Welcome to today's episode of Hi & Stuff. We're revisiting small talk, stigma, squishyness, scorn, and whatnot. The pieces I’m reading are entitled "Ghost's Path," and "No Excuse." Sonny and I will be continuing our discussion on Stigma and the A's. Parenting can be scary. With autism, caregivers get a lot of stress and so much to cope with. Hi and Stuff is here to help caregivers understand the autism spectrum and how to stop to rest and care for themselves, too. Put the “pause” in mom-opause!
Caregivers get so overwhelmed caring for others that we tend to forget to take care of ourselves. I’ve faced challenges and setbacks. Won’t you join me on my mom-opause journey? Your midlife process may be similar to mine.
I’m a non-traditional (older) full-time doctoral student at Binghamton working on my memoir. I read some of my writing aloud on every episode of the podcast.
Stigma and the A's
Thank you for supporting our show and please follow us on Social Media!
I'll Do it Tomorrow
Welcome to today's episode of Hi & Stuff. The pieces I’m reading are entitled, "Sonny, Please! (prose,)" "Sonny, Please! (verse,)" and "New View." Sonny and I will be discussing Procrastination. With autism, caregivers get a lot of stress and so much to cope with. Hi and Stuff is here to help caregivers understand the autism spectrum and how to stop to rest and care for themselves, too. Put the “pause” in mom-opause!
Caregivers get so overwhelmed caring for others that we tend to forget to take care of ourselves. I’ve faced challenges and setbacks. Won’t you join me on my mom-opause journey? Your midlife process may be similar to mine.
I’m a non-traditional (older) full-time doctoral student at Binghamton working on my memoir. I read some of my writing aloud on every episode of the podcast.
Coping with Humor
Welcome to today's episode of Hi & Stuff. The pieces I’m reading are entitled, "Never Mine," "Sonny, I Apologize," and "But First." Sonny and I will be discussing Coping with Humor. With autism, caregivers get a lot of stress and so much to cope with. Hi and Stuff is here to help caregivers understand the autism spectrum and how to stop to rest and care for themselves, too. Put the “pause” in mom-opause!
Caregivers get so overwhelmed caring for others that we tend to forget to take care of ourselves. I’ve faced challenges and setbacks. Won’t you join me on my mom-opause journey? Your midlife process may be similar to mine.
I’m a non-traditional (older) full-time doctoral student at Binghamton working on my memoir. I read some of my writing aloud on every episode of the podcast. To join me on my mom-opause journey, please see below:
Instagram: @hi.and.stuff.podcast
Facebook: Hi & Stuff Podcast
Caring for caregivers and the concept of J.O.Y. just one you
sMothering
Welcome to today's episode of Hi & Stuff. The piece I’m reading is called sMothering, and Sonny and I will be discussing issues with belonging and not belonging. With autism, caregivers get a lot of stress and so much to cope with. Hi and Stuff is here to help caregivers understand the autism spectrum and how to stop to rest and care for themselves, too. Put the “pause” in mom-opause!
Caregivers get so overwhelmed caring for others that we tend to forget to take care of ourselves. I’ve faced challenges and setbacks. Won’t you join me on my mom-opause journey? Your midlife process may be similar to mine.
I’m a non-traditional (older) full-time doctoral student at Binghamton working on my memoir. I read some of my writing aloud on every episode of the podcast. To join me on my mom-opause journey, please see below:
Instagram: @hi.and.stuff.podcast
Facebook: Hi & Stuff Podcast
Caring for caregivers and the concept of J.O.Y. just one you
Audio note: Greetings, dear listeners! We sincerely appreciate your support as we embark on this podcasting journey. We want to make you aware that our audio quality is still undergoing some fine-tuning at this early stage. Please bear with us in this episode as we work diligently to rectify these issues and deliver an exceptional listening experience in our upcoming episodes. Your patience and understanding are truly valued. Thank you for joining us on this adventure!
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Hello and welcome to Hi And Stuff.
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Nicoletta: A brand new podcast about parenting, autism and caring for caregivers.
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Nicoletta: I'm your host, Nicoletta LaMarca
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Nicoletta: Sacco. I'm a writer, daughter, wife and over 50 mom in a midlife process.
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Nicoletta: I'm on my mama Paul's journey, won't you join me?
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Nicoletta: I hope you enjoy listening to high end stuff. Disclaimer.
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Nicoletta: This podcast
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Nicoletta: addresses adult issues and adult topics. Over 50 mental and behavioral health.
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Nicoletta: My mama
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Nicoletta: pauses Mair
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Nicoletta: where I talk about everything, issues of autism, learning differences,
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Nicoletta: neurodiversity, sex drugs, rock and roll, belonging misfits,
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Nicoletta: smart asses and the moms like me who love them.
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Nicoletta: It is not suitable for all listeners listeners. Please use your discretion.
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Nicoletta: I recently wrote an erasure poem.
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Nicoletta: It's an altered version of care notes on Sonny's very frustrating journey,
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Nicoletta: moving from one treatment center to another as he was
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Nicoletta: misdiagnosed and mischaracterized with a variety of behavioral health issues.
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Nicoletta: He moved four times in less than a year.
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Nicoletta: I took a break from my doctoral studies and made 75
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Nicoletta: pages of notes and taught myself a lot of psychiatric jargon.
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Nicoletta: It turns out parenting, an adult with autism is
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Nicoletta: well harder than it seems at the surface level.
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Nicoletta: Here's smothering
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Nicoletta: a poem with erasure of certain parts of my notes from that time,
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Nicoletta: we also felt personally erased
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Nicoletta: and we're still taking, needed time to process our grief from what happened.
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Nicoletta: Smothering sunny
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Nicoletta: Sonny is slowly coming out of it.
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Nicoletta: A two month psychotic episode frantic with a hollow gonging refrain,
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Nicoletta: mourning the hurt. I feel nothing more I can do. He is still not ok.
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Nicoletta: He would like escape degree.
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Nicoletta: Just a piece of paper, online coding, revising novel using A I
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Nicoletta: porn vaping THC
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Nicoletta: oh mom dismisses
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Nicoletta: too many hats. Smothered.
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Nicoletta: I lost Sonny to his cocktail.
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Nicoletta: Haldol Abilify Depakote,
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Nicoletta: Cogentin
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Nicoletta: too many hats.
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Nicoletta: Adderall serotonin, Wellbutrin,
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Nicoletta: QUEtiapine
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Nicoletta: Eslam A K A Lexapro
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Nicoletta: going back to normal would be nice.
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Nicoletta: Unjust ISP meetings lists a part of my week. I wish I could help.
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Nicoletta: Sonny will. Behavioral supports.
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Nicoletta: No solution. Too many hats. I smother him.
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Nicoletta: Year hell brain MRI
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Nicoletta: doctor's cocktail claims this injury is due to
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Nicoletta: cannabis use disorder. What the hell is that short staffed? We are short staffed.
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Nicoletta: Two parents managing just the two of us alone lives, work friends.
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Nicoletta: I am smothered.
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Nicoletta: I lost Sonny to his cocktail. Haldol,
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Nicoletta: Abilify, Depakote, Cogentin Adderall serotonin, Wellbutrin,
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Nicoletta: QUEtiapine Eslam
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Nicoletta: A K A
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Nicoletta: Lexapro
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Nicoletta: culprits for the brain atrophy doctor wouldn't admit she was wrong.
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Nicoletta: Going back to normal would be nice.
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Nicoletta: Excruciating, wait, undisclosed manic episodes. Psychosis broke me too angry.
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Nicoletta: Mom.
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Nicoletta: That's not all I am
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Nicoletta: the right place. For him.
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Nicoletta: Support coordinator suggests discussing further look all over help.
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Nicoletta: Months, admits
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Nicoletta: needs to be saved from himself. A SD treatment resistant insomnia, non
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Nicoletta: compliant A DH D impulsivity,
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Nicoletta: intrusive thoughts, bipolar impression, not diagnosis, not
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Nicoletta: his fault,
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Nicoletta: not mine.
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Nicoletta: He isn't stupid.
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Nicoletta: DDD under no obligation to provide assistance, manage everything,
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Nicoletta: comorbidities, overlapping services, gray area pain, splintered profile.
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Nicoletta: Call this
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Nicoletta: progress 100 fucking miles away.
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Nicoletta: In reality
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Nicoletta: he isn't
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Nicoletta: basic support.
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Nicoletta: Months of grief. It's been my understanding. Patronizing euphemisms
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Nicoletta: going back to normal would be nice.
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Nicoletta: Email, apologizing, profusely falling short as I do every day. It's inhuman.
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Nicoletta: I'm afraid we challenging needs deregulating,
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Nicoletta: decompensating suitable staff apologize,
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Nicoletta: bullshit, panic attack, pull over while driving life, defined confusion,
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Nicoletta: misunderstanding.
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Nicoletta: Wish you much luck. Oh for Pete's sake, may as well say go fuck yourselves, neuro
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Nicoletta: diverse world of ID D
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Nicoletta: pretend no co occurrences with behavioral mental health.
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Nicoletta: My parents are sick in bed with COVID.
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Nicoletta: What the hell is next? Smothered.
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Nicoletta: I lost Sonny to his cocktail.
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Nicoletta: Haldol, Abilify Depakote, Cogentin, Adderall, serotonin, Wellbutrin,
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Nicoletta: QUEtiapine
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Nicoletta: Eslam
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Nicoletta: A K A
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Nicoletta: Lexapro
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Nicoletta: going back to normal.
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Nicoletta: I would like to stop, stop the stop, stop the stop, stop the stop the smothering
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Nicoletta: ...
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Nicoletta: Hi and Stuff
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Nicoletta: we're going to discuss some social skills, boundaries
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Nicoletta: and stereotypes about being alone and a sense
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Nicoletta: of loneliness and belonging or not belonging.
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Nicoletta: So tell me about
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Nicoletta: the
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Nicoletta: Schrodinger's paradox.
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Nicoletta: The cat may be dead
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Nicoletta: but may be alive
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Nicoletta: and we don't know till we open the box.
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Nicoletta: So what I'm asking you today is how do you feel when you're alone?
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Nicoletta: And when do you feel lonely?
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Felice: Well,
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Felice: I feel lonely when I wanna be around other people specifically
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Felice: around people that I want to be friends with or date.
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Felice: But
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Felice: I also feel
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Felice: not lonely. I feel very connected when I'm just alone and talking to people online.
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Nicoletta: Ok. So, online, what are some of the topics because we know that you hate small talk?
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Felice: Yes.
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Nicoletta: So, uh what are some of the topics um
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Nicoletta: that the online forums address?
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Felice: Well, they talk about common interests and I go to forums about
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Felice: computers, solving problems, programming or
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Felice: the furry community, which is just a hobby that I really enjoy being in.
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Felice: It's a community of very nice, like minded people.
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Felice: We play games together, we occasionally go bowling,
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Felice: it's fun.
Nicoletta: So, tell us about the furry
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Nicoletta: community because what's interesting to me about that is having been to a con
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Nicoletta: where
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Nicoletta: fursonas are on full display but personal identity is not,
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Felice: right? That's a little schrodinger
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Nicoletta: too because a person is present and whilst they're not present
Felice: well
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Felice: they're playing a character that they feel creatively expresses themselves and,
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Felice: and it's just a boatload of fun,
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Nicoletta: right?
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Nicoletta: But if they have a full on character, like a mascot and they have like a mask that,
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Nicoletta: that covers their whole head, like a helmet,
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Nicoletta: their identity doesn't ever have to be known
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Nicoletta: publicly at all. So that's part of schrodinger too.
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Nicoletta: Being in a crowd and still being anonymous
Felice: somewhat. Yeah, you can,
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Felice: it, it, it, it emerged as part of a
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Felice: somewhat queer culture
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Felice: where
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Felice: you didn't necessarily have to
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Felice: um make yourself known in order to find community. The community was there.
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Felice: All you had to do was find it and people did find it
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Felice: before algorithms took over everyone's lives.
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Felice: This these websites of people of communities where
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Felice: people would talk about themselves and their lives
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Felice: somewhat anonymously
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Felice: would
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Felice: exist
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Felice: and people would make themselves welcome.
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Nicoletta: So
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Nicoletta: when you,
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Nicoletta: so when you attend a con, right,
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Nicoletta: you'll see people that are fully embracing their fursona.
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Nicoletta: It is part of queer culture which we
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Nicoletta: know in the mainstream can sometimes be problematic,
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Nicoletta: which is unfortunate but
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Nicoletta: it's people's attitudes and I think we covered that in the first episode,
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Nicoletta: but we could talk about it for every episode.
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Nicoletta: It's such a terrible
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Both: broad topic. Yeah.
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Nicoletta: Um
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Nicoletta: So
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Nicoletta: for listeners that don't know what fur
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Nicoletta: sona and furries is, can you give
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Felice: a
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Felice: furry is a fan of anthropomorphic animals. Anthropomorphism is
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Felice: a fancy way of saying an animal with
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Felice: human characteristics, like standing up on two legs and having a post,
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Felice: thumbs and wearing clothes and talking on iphones.
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Nicoletta: So an example for just anyone listening would be a mascot,
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Nicoletta: yeah
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Felice: a mascot costume for a sports team as baseball team
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Felice: like the new school Narwhals. Nicoletta: Uh huh.
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Nicoletta: So, um, at
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Nicoletta: the cons were there are people that embrace a persona that's similar
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Nicoletta: to a mascot or even is a mascot that represents their favorite sports team.
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Felice: Not necessarily, it's more creative than that because it's all individualized.
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Felice: These are all characters that were created by the fans,
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Felice: not fans of a television show.
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Felice: There is no set canon
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Felice: just like how there is a set canon for something
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Felice: like Star Trek And there is a fandom around Star Trek
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Felice: and conventions around Star Trek and all of the different shows
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Felice: and interpretations of books and art and media around Star Trek.
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Felice: Furries are much more decentralized and don't have
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Felice: a set canon. It's all about anthropomorphism in general, not
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Felice: necessarily about a specific artist or specific set of media.
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Felice: Disney is a huge influence. DreamWorks is a huge influence, but they are not
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Felice: purely what the conventions are about. It's not purely what the medium is about.
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Felice: It's all based on the individual artists and groups of artists,
Nicoletta: right?
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Nicoletta: So I remember going to the artist's alley and noticing that, you know,
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Nicoletta: you can really commission anything you want, for example,
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Nicoletta: something simple like a walking wolf or a walking hawk or you mentioned Narwhal,
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Nicoletta: it could be
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Nicoletta: uh elements of the unicorn or
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Nicoletta: Narwhal
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Nicoletta: horn,
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Nicoletta: but with
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Nicoletta: a
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Nicoletta: uh you know,
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Nicoletta: a fish as the main creature that is anthropomorphic or even some other
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Nicoletta: creature that doesn't have a horn at all like a wolf
Felice: right?
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Felice: Or a Dutch angel dragon or whatever, a
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Felice: Sergal with a horn on it. Or
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Felice: a wolf with a horn on it. So we can imagine anything.
Nicoletta: Is there
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Nicoletta: a, an influence from video games?
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Nicoletta: Like where do people get a, their idea of their fursona and b even access to the group
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Nicoletta: uh of anthropomorphic uh persons in, in queer culture? It's
Felice: all imagination and
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Felice: the groups are everywhere on websites and platforms like Deviant
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Felice: Art
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Felice: Amico and
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Felice: uh FurAffinity and e621 being an archive of everything that's on. For Affinity
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Felice: for Affinity is a, is the old, the OG, the
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Felice: amazing old
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Felice: uh venerable website
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Felice: that has existed for longer than I've been alive.
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Nicoletta: Yeah,
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Nicoletta: I know that there's a lot of graphic novel uh writing
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Nicoletta: around this topic as well because in the artist's alley,
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Nicoletta: I did see some examples of those uh of those books.
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Nicoletta: Um And it just seems like an amazing creative force. So in,
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Nicoletta: in person.
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Nicoletta: So the, the Schrodinger's paradox piece is that in person when you go to a con
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Nicoletta: nine times out of 10, you'll see someone in their costume all the time.
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Nicoletta: Only at certain times,
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Nicoletta: like in Disco Night or some of the entertainment uh venues at night
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Nicoletta: will people actually decide to disclose their identity?
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Nicoletta: But there are people that don't disclose their identity. I think that
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Nicoletta: it's smart in today's society where there's a lot of homophobia. Uh
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Nicoletta: If the majority of furries are queer,
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Nicoletta: then they certainly can be free to be in
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Nicoletta: a group with each other and also possibly more free
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Nicoletta: to not
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Nicoletta: come out of the closet, so to speak, right in public with everyone around.
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Felice: Well, think of it this way online, someone can be a
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Felice: gay queer or trans
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Felice: transgender person
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Felice: online and have a presence and
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Felice: potentially develop friends or a following
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Felice: and simultaneously be in a horrific environment
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Felice: that does not value them being alive.
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Nicoletta: Mhm.
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Nicoletta: So you're saying when someone's an adult and
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Nicoletta: they live with their family and they're homophobic,
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Nicoletta: they have an outlet that's creative and safe in the
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Nicoletta: community online whereas they remain closeted in real life.
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Felice: Yes [They Can].
Nicoletta: So that's really sad. Felice: It is. But that's not the majority of furry situations.
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It's,
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it's a majority of minorities. Nicoletta: Right?
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Nicoletta: Gotcha. Ok.
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Felice: So there's all sorts of different people that are available on the Furry community.
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Felice: They are
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Felice: coming from all walks of life, all different backgrounds, all different,
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Felice: different cultures. It's an amazing melting pot.
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Nicoletta: Yeah. It makes me think of, uh, the scene at the end of, um,
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Nicoletta: the bird cage where, uh,
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Nicoletta: Gene Hackman's character is a fuddy duddy conservative senator,
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Nicoletta: but then he escapes the view of the paparazzi by
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Nicoletta: allowing Nathan Lane's character to dress him up in drag
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Nicoletta: and he, uh, sachets
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Nicoletta: through the music and
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Nicoletta: the pulsing.
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Nicoletta: Yeah. The pulsing group,
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Nicoletta: uh, and makes it outside fine, which is very, just such an ironic twist.
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Nicoletta: So,
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Nicoletta: um I did want to go ahead and address um the paradox of being
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Nicoletta: alone and feeling lonely and wishing you
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Nicoletta: weren't alone versus being alone in comfort,
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Nicoletta: knowing your environment is under your control
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Nicoletta: and then being fine with it.
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Nicoletta: So sometimes when people are alone, they're fine with that, they don't feel lonely.
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Nicoletta: But sometimes the paradox comes through where you're alone
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Nicoletta: and you wish you could be with other people.
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Nicoletta: So can you give me some other examples besides the furry community,
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Nicoletta: whether online or in person,
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Nicoletta: something other than furries that you pursue that
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Nicoletta: makes you feel comfortable being alone or anything that
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Nicoletta: makes you uncomfortable being alone.
Felice: Sometimes I'm comfortable being alone
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Felice: because I'm just playing games online with friends that I've made online.
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Felice: Uh Other times,
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Felice: I feel alone with my own thoughts when I'm alone
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Felice: with my own thoughts or doing a chore like laundry
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Felice: and I don't have a podcast playing to fill in the void
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Felice: or I'm just
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Felice: alone with my thoughts because I'm
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Felice: having a night of insomnia.
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Nicoletta: Hm. That must be so difficult.
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Nicoletta: I actually addressed that in my smothering poem,
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Nicoletta: but not enough because I know that both you and I have struggled with insomnia.
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Nicoletta: Tell me a little bit about your coping
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Nicoletta: system for insomnia.
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Felice: I
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Felice: take cannabis to sleep
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Felice: to,
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Felice: I take cannabis to cope with my insomnia.
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Felice: It makes me sleep a lot better.
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Felice: And I specifically use Delta eight
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Felice: variants of cannabis, which isn't as strong psych actively.
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Felice: So it's a lot safer to use for that purpose.
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Nicoletta: So, would you be opposed since you were diagnosed with cannabis use disorder?
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Felice: Which is another way of saying a pothead?
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Nicoletta: Right.
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Nicoletta: So, since you were diagnosed with that, um,
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Nicoletta: would you be open to having,
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Nicoletta: uh, a practitioner prescribe cannabis for sleep?
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Felice: I am not entirely certain that I would prefer that
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Felice: I would rather get it out of dispensary at my own leisure.
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Nicoletta: Well, so the next question is that,
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Nicoletta: you know, um, since vaping THC cartridges breaks your lease, unfortunately,
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Nicoletta: that's not a good method, particularly when you're trying to go to sleep.
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Nicoletta: If the rule is you can't be in the house and you know,
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Nicoletta: you break your lease but then you walk outside, but you're trying to go to sleep.
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Nicoletta: It obviously doesn't really mesh with trying to help their self sleep.
Felice: That's what
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Felice: gummies are for
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Nicoletta: but
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Felice: right? So, so,
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Nicoletta: so in other words, again,
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Nicoletta: you know, recreational cannabis is legal.
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Nicoletta: Um medical cannabis is also available and we do know that the neuro
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Nicoletta: diverse brain
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Nicoletta: reacts and is affected by lower doses well, by lower doses of medicines,
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Nicoletta: whether they be street drugs or prescribed meds.
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Nicoletta: So,
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Nicoletta: uh it probably would be worth exploring medical marijuana
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Nicoletta: as a sleep aid through your mental health practitioner.
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Nicoletta: Luckily, we've now found a mental health practitioner that is local
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Nicoletta: and takes
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Nicoletta: and takes your freaking insurance. So,
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Nicoletta: um I mean,
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Nicoletta: that would be something to explore because obviously if
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Nicoletta: you have meds that are prescribed rather than Gummies,
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Nicoletta: that
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Nicoletta: could be, you know, one batch is stronger, one batch is milder.
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Nicoletta: It's a little bit less under some choice and
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Nicoletta: control of what you're putting into your body.
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Nicoletta: Um So, but, but, but ok, before discovering cannabis, which wasn't always legal,
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Nicoletta: uh where we live,
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Nicoletta: what did you do with insomnia or what did insomnia do for you?
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Nicoletta: So you suffered insomnia and just
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Nicoletta: had to deal with that.
Felice: Yes.
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Felice: Nothing that I tried worked. Nicoletta: Gotcha.
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Nicoletta: So when you're,
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Nicoletta: when you said you're doing laundry and you're
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Nicoletta: kind of like distracted by your thoughts,
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Nicoletta: but you don't happen to be listening to a podcast like high and stuff or music
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Nicoletta: uh to distract you.
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Nicoletta: Would you say that you have something like
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Nicoletta: intrusive thoughts that you can't get rid of?
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Felice: I used to but I don't anymore.
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Nicoletta: That's awesome. That's a really huge step forward. So
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Nicoletta: when you know,
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Nicoletta: one of the reasons some
Felice: people have intrusive
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Felice: thoughts that go along the lines of "man,
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Felice: you could totally give that person a wedgie and they wouldn't even notice"
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Felice: or
Nicoletta: I think they would notice.
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Felice: But anyway, it would be incredibly painful.
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Nicoletta: Well, I can't get behind that.
Felice: I wonder if
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Felice: a
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Felice: tyrannosaurus ever tried to take a selfie?
Nicoletta: Oh my goodness. OK. So,
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Nicoletta: so we specialize in digression. We specialize in non
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Nicoletta: sequitur here. Um And proud of it.
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Nicoletta: Um, but what I wanted to say is, you know, one of the reasons for the podcast is
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Nicoletta: the things I wish I had known when you were five or 15,
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Nicoletta: when you were five, you were low verbal, you were verbal but not as verbal as say, Felice: not
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Felice: coherent.
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Nicoletta: Well, not verbal. Like your sister was at five or even at two when you were five,
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Nicoletta: she was more verbal than you.
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Nicoletta: Uh, but at 15, I know you had a lot of intrusive thoughts and at
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Nicoletta: that time I really wished I could help you
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Nicoletta: and it was really painful to me not to be able to help you.
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Nicoletta: Not, I didn't feel like it was a shortcoming as a mom because there's really
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Nicoletta: nothing else I could have done. However,
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Nicoletta: it made me feel guilty that you had the problem,
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Nicoletta: not that I couldn't solve the problem.
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Nicoletta: It sounds like some of that has gone away.
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Nicoletta: Would you say that it's just a matter of waiting maturing,
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Nicoletta: being able to,
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Nicoletta: you know, think
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Nicoletta: more clearly about things you want to think about and
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Nicoletta: crowd out the intrusive thoughts or what, you know,
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Nicoletta: can you explain that at all or do you not know the reason?
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Felice: I don't know the reason 100%. However, I do believe that,
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Felice: you know, maturing has definitely played a role.
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Nicoletta: Yeah. Well, that's, that's great.
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Nicoletta: So, basically what we're saying to you, um,
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Nicoletta: moms and dads out there is if you're desperate to
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Nicoletta: help your kid with something that are on the spectrum.
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Nicoletta: What you're going to have to do is cope
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Felice: and try to talk with
Nicoletta: and wait
Felice: try to talk with them. Be patient
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Felice: and you will never get your answers immediately.
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Nicoletta: Mhm. Yeah. I, I actually, um,
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Nicoletta: I've noticed that sometimes, you know,
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Nicoletta: something will happen and we might discuss it like months later.
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Felice: Right?
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Felice: I mean,
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Felice: you didn't find out about me being lost in New York until I think six months after the fact.
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Nicoletta: Right. So you just casually mentioned it.
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Felice: I was like, oh, by the way, I was lost in New
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Felice: York. Nicoletta: Right. Right. Awesome.
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Nicoletta: Um So the last thing that I wanted to make sure we um,
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Nicoletta: address today is helicopter parenting.
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Nicoletta: So, you know, like all cliches,
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Nicoletta: there is a kernel of truth in it.
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Nicoletta: Um Also it's really annoying when you get called out because it's me,
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Nicoletta: I'm being called out for being a helicopter parent, you know,
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Nicoletta: I can't help it.
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Nicoletta: Ok. Well, I mean, you know, you know, but you know what the intention is, right?
411
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Nicoletta: It's your best interest because I love you and stuff. Felice: of course.
412
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Nicoletta: So, but
413
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Nicoletta: tell me a little bit about being on the receiving end because I think that
414
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Nicoletta: a lot of our listeners may be moms and dads and sometimes they are,
415
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Nicoletta: you know, helicoptering or attempting to help, uh, you know,
416
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Nicoletta: their kid through something or to do something every day.
417
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Nicoletta: That they find difficult. Felice: Right.
418
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Felice: Well, for things like socialization, especially for kids on the spectrum,
419
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Felice: you can't exactly teach that.
420
00:22:25.349 --> 00:22:28.319
Felice: There's no handbook on how to be a socialite.
421
00:22:28.800 --> 00:22:30.000
Felice: There is no,
422
00:22:31.089 --> 00:22:32.939
Felice: a way to teach
423
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Felice: something like that.
424
00:22:35.760 --> 00:22:40.060
Felice: So, it's something that your child has to figure out on their own.
425
00:22:40.520 --> 00:22:41.400
Felice: And
426
00:22:41.510 --> 00:22:43.500
Felice: unfortunately that means that,
427
00:22:43.969 --> 00:22:47.459
Felice: you know, making friends is a game without rules,
428
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Felice: without explicit boundaries without
429
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Felice: necessarily having to know everyone by name or learning
430
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Felice: their faces and attaching names to their faces.
431
00:22:58.400 --> 00:23:01.030
Nicoletta: Oh, I know that that's really difficult for you sometimes, but
432
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Felice: it's difficult for a lot of people.
433
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Nicoletta: Yeah.
434
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Nicoletta: No, I, I mean, I have trouble placing names to faces all, all the time,
435
00:23:07.300 --> 00:23:10.109
Nicoletta: but it takes me a little bit of time to get used to a new group.
436
00:23:10.119 --> 00:23:12.770
Nicoletta: Like, um, you know, when I just started grad school again, I,
437
00:23:12.780 --> 00:23:15.569
Nicoletta: I had to meet a whole new group and of course, each year we get a new
438
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Nicoletta: cohort coming in. But,
439
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Nicoletta: um, as far as the helicopter parenting,
440
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Nicoletta: I'm really glad that you brought up the socializing because for example,
441
00:23:23.800 --> 00:23:26.170
Nicoletta: for many years, we went to Taekwondo.
442
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Nicoletta: Um,
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Nicoletta: and there, you know, there was a group of people,
444
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Nicoletta: obviously there were some knuckleheads that decided to be bullies,
445
00:23:33.939 --> 00:23:35.130
Nicoletta: which is terrible.
446
00:23:35.180 --> 00:23:38.380
Nicoletta: But, but more or less, you know, you went to class,
447
00:23:38.390 --> 00:23:42.369
Nicoletta: you had a great memory for the choreography, you learn the forms and yes, you know,
448
00:23:42.380 --> 00:23:43.790
Nicoletta: you got your black belt.
449
00:23:43.800 --> 00:23:44.270
Nicoletta: Um
450
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Nicoletta: And then you got like a double black belt or something
451
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Nicoletta: in high school when you were 16 or something like that.
452
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Nicoletta: Um The thing that, that relates to helicopter mom is like,
453
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Nicoletta: you know,
454
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Nicoletta: we did a lot of trial and error
455
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Nicoletta: extracurriculars first before we discovered martial arts.
456
00:24:00.300 --> 00:24:00.530
Felice: I
457
00:24:00.760 --> 00:24:04.239
Felice: remember Francesca going to ballet and then
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Felice: later on I had to join and become a Ballerino.
459
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Nicoletta: Yeah. Well, you were awesome. But you did tap. Felice: I did tap. Nicoletta: You have really good dress.
460
00:24:13.930 --> 00:24:15.530
Felice: Yeah. Yeah, I didn't really enjoy it.
461
00:24:16.599 --> 00:24:19.239
Nicolleta: Um You're really good at it. You know, this is interesting too.
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Nicoletta: I've talked to dad about this like
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Nicoletta: you can be good at something and not like, right,
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Nicoletta: really master something and not like it and not enjoy it.
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Felice: Well, a lot of artists hate their work once it's made, which is a, a paradox in and of
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Felice: itself.
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Nicoletta: That's imposter syndrome which will address in a separate episode,
468
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Nicoletta: I think because it's really, really important to
469
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Nicoletta: people, not just artists, Felice: it's very pervasive.
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Nicoletta: Well, so, yeah, so I don't,
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Nicoletta: I'm not sure if we have an answer if we will
472
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Nicoletta: get an answer on how you can be really masterful at something
473
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Nicoletta: like choreography
474
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Nicoletta: but dislike the activity.
475
00:24:54.364 --> 00:24:58.864
Nicoletta: Both dance and Taekwondo have that choreography that you were very, very good at.
476
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Nicoletta: So
477
00:24:59.910 --> 00:25:01.150
Nicoletta: you don't like
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Nicoletta: doing it?
479
00:25:02.089 --> 00:25:05.189
Nicoletta: Is it the physical exercise or was it just a
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Nicoletta: memory of some people maybe not being friendly or even bullying you
481
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Nicoletta: you in either dance or taekwondo?
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Nicoletta: Ok. Ok. Good. Felice: It was more so the exercise, the physical moving around,
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Felice: I
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Felice: was easily
485
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Felice: exhausted.
Nicoletta: But right now, like, let's say, like, you know, you join the Y right?
486
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Nicoletta: So when you're at the gym, what activity, like, do you listen to a podcast and
487
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Nicoletta: listen to a podcast and bike or walk on the treadmill?
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Felice: That's something very slow and methodical and relaxing. Nicoletta: Yeah, I mean,
489
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literally, you know, we love our dogs so much and they say that to calm a hyper dog.
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Nicoletta: If you train them to walk on a leash,
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Nicoletta: that rhythm of literally walking side by side with you
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Nicoletta: gets them in a zone.
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Nicoletta: And, you know, I do believe that when I'm on the treadmill or the stationary bike,
494
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Nicoletta: listening to music or a podcast,
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Nicoletta: there are zones to both of those activities and they go together like you,
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Nicoletta: you're plodding along, you're getting
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Nicoletta: exercise,
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Felice: you're not exactly punishing yourself.
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Nicoletta: No, but you're listening to something that has a beginning, a middle and an end.
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Nicoletta: So you set up the time appropriately.
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Nicoletta: You say I'm going to run for, I'm gonna walk for 30 minutes.
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Nicoletta: I'm gonna bike for 20 minutes
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Nicoletta: and you set the music or podcast to that amount of time and then
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Nicoletta: you, the time goes by, but your body gets into a kind of zone that maybe
505
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Nicoletta: can, can help you.
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Nicoletta: You don't get exhausted, you get tired,
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Nicoletta: you get exercise and then it helps you maybe calm
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Nicoletta: your mind. Felice: Yeah.
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Felice: Decompress. Nicoletta: Yeah. So,
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Nicoletta: all right. Cool.
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Nicoletta: Well, um,
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Nicoletta: is there anything else that you wanted to try to say about being
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Nicoletta: alone or being lonely or into parts of groups or anything like that,
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Nicoletta: or should we save it for another time, or?
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Felice: I think we should save it for another time.
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Nicoletta: Ok.
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Nicoletta: That's it for us today. Bye and stuff.Description text goes here
Pilot
TAKE A LOOK AT OUR BACKSTAGE PHOTOS AS WE GO OVER THE SUBJECTS WE'LL BE COVERING SOON & CRAFT MATERIAL FOR UPCOMING EPISODES.
-
[Nicoletta]: Hello and welcome to Hi & Stuff, a brand new podcast about parenting, autism and caring for caregivers.
I'm your host, Nicoletta LaMarca Sacco. I'm a writer, daughter, wife and over 50 mom in a midlife process. I'm on my Mom-opause journey. Won't you join me?
I hope you enjoy listening to Hi & Stuff!
DISCLAIMER: You will hear strong language, adult topics and discussions that are not suitable for all listeners.
Please use your discretion.
Also, my experience as a parent is my experience, not medical or psychiatric advice of any kind.
This is my personal and parental point of view.
COACHING: Allow me to give you joy, emotional support for caregivers: There's just one you- J.O.Y. If you need peace, hope, and joy in your life’s journey parenting with autism, fill out the contact form. Let’s chat.
PILOT EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
Hi & Stuff is short for dispensing with small talk because it's all BS.
[Sonny]: correct.
[Nicoletta]: OK. So tell me why you think small talk is BS.
Well, small talk is meaningless and it's much like how a politician can say five paragraphs and not convey a single coherent thought.
[Nicoletta]: Well, ok, so small talk is too much time invested in incoherent bullshit for you.
[Felice]: Yes.
[Nicoletta]: Gotcha.
[Sonny] I'd rather get straight to the point and talk about whatever it is that we were talking about,
[Nicoletta]: Ok, so that makes sense as far as naming the podcast hi and stuff because it means we're getting straight to the point. So we're getting straight to the point of bullying.
[Nicoletta]: We're also getting straight to the point of tolerance of belonging, not belonging…
[Sonny]: being ostracized for being different and not, not necessarily doing anything wrong.
[Nicoletta]: So would you say everyone is different and the mainstream has got it all wrong
because the mainstream thinks the mainstream is the majority but really everyone is different, right?
[Sonny]: Yes and no.
[Nicoletta]: OK. Go ahead.
[Sonny]: Calling mainstream belonging is two different things.
[Nicoletta]: OK.
[Nicoletta]: So please explain.
[Sonny]: Belonging is a sense of community with a group of people that have a common understanding or a common purpose.
[Nicoletta] OK.
[Sonny]: And mainstream culture is vacuous and always hyper-conservative.
[Nicoletta]: But is it an illusion? [Sonny]: Yes
[Nicoletta]: OK. So mainstream culture culture is
[Sonny]: Gigantic Air Quotes
[Nicoletta]: So that's, that's not real.
[Nicoletta]: So that means that social conventions that the mainstream require are not real.
Yeah, they're artificially set in place by the White man in charge in the case of politics.
In the case of media, it's by the straight people in charge.
[Nicoletta]: OK. Yes, that's true.
So there's a ton of homophobia out there.
Let's also talk a little bit about in terms of social skills and being neuro-spicy.
So what does mainstream mean for being neurodiverse?
[Sonny]: Mainstream is being average,
which isn't exactly extraordinary but also not exactly benign either.
It's mostly it's for all intents and purposes being accepted, even though you didn't do anything outstanding to achieve that seal of approval.
[Nicoletta]: Ah, so that gets into some culture war stuff about everyone deserves a prize just for, you know,
existing…
13th place if they're Gay Focker and, you know, his parents hang up the 13th place ribbon on the wall along with his fourth place jockstrap and his uh circumcision for,
foreskin stump…
[Nicoletta]: skin,
[Sonny]: it landed in the fondue.
How dare.
[Nicoletta]: So that reminds me of the,
[Sonny]: of my foreskin?
[Nicoletta]: Gah, No No; we have to, we have, we have to do the disclaimer,
oh thank goodness we did the disclaimer…
[Nicoletta]: about like, ok, so adult topics are being addressed from minute one.
[Nicoletta]: So if you'd like auditory discretion, we are definitely going to
use that.
[Sonny]: Please be advised: this is for adults only.
[Nicoletta]: I mean, we get into some, you know, definitely some not just controversy but like adult topics and different, I guess, you know, what could be considered potentially just [Felice]: hazardous [Nicoletta]: for adults.
All right. So that was good.
[Nicoletta]: We have the Hi and Stuff definition now as a shortcut, hi and stuff is extremely helpful.
[Nicoletta]: If hi andstuff is short for, how are you?
niceties, pleasantries and so on. [Felice]: How's the weather?
[Nicoletta]: What does bye and stuff mean? [Felice]: bye and stuff is a dismissal [Nicoletta]: just bye and stuff.
[Nicoletta]: Like I just laugh to myself because if you text me and it's like "bye and stuff"
[Nicoletta]: I know that that's the end of the conversation [Felice]: correct.
[Felice]: It's like saying I love you and whatnot.
[Felice]: The what not is the best part, [Nicoletta]: the whatnot
[Felice]: the what not.
[Felice]: It's everything you don't say. [Nicoletta]: What do you like about whatnot?
[Felice]: Well, it's an encapsulation of everything that I don't have to say.
[Nicoletta]: Oh, this is like when the mom explained, oh, my son with autism said "I love you one time" and the son explained
Mom…
I told you once…
and that's meant to be a very literal take on what a lot of us, like…
[Nicoletta]: It's so meaningless to me.
[Nicoletta]: If I am hanging up the phone and it's like,
[Nicoletta]: "love you" instead of bye or instead of bye and stuff,
[Nicoletta]: it couldn't really be more insincere because it's repeated so much.
[Felice]: It's repeated so much it becomes meaningless. [Nicoletta]: Correct.
[Felice]: So
like that South Park episode where they said shit
so often that they could no longer censor it.
[Nicoletta]: I don't know if we can refer to copyrighted material. Like,
[Felice]: yes, you can, we talked about Glee and Breaking Bad.
[Nicoletta]: That's true.
[Nicoletta]: I mean, they're culture icons so we can definitely give like
[Nicoletta]: South Park is definitely a culture icon.
[Nicoletta]: South Park as far as just retiring early and moving up here to the Catskills is kind of like the Eric Cartman way of doing stuff.
[Nicoletta]: Screw you guys. I'm going home.
[Felice]: Exactly. You know, we do what we want.
[Nicoletta]: Correct. That's true.
[Nicoletta]: So, yeah, so, you know, the vibe I'm getting, which I'm really finding exceptionally comfortable and fun is Car Talk, the NPR, Car Talk guys,
[Nicoletta]: one of them passed away,
but I'll never forget driving into Mannes and listening to reruns of car
[Nicoletta]: talk when the partner was by himself and the other one had unfortunately died.
[Nicoletta]: And I remember crossing the George Washington Bridge and
[Nicoletta]: listening to car talk and being all like,
wow, I didn't know this could happen to my transmission or whatever. So, and speaking of
digression
[Felice]: you're talking to somebody that doesn't know anything about cars. Right.
[Nicoletta]: Well, speaking of digressions, which we're both extremely good at.
Um, I wanted to cover one more thing, which was the, um, the,
[Nicoletta]: the idea of learning social skills from people without social skills.
[Nicoletta]: So the American public school does this disservice to persons on the spectrum?
[Felice]: Let's take,
let's, uh that's the joke.
It's much like the joke in the healthcare system where it's like,
let's pump this guy full of drugs and put him in this tiny robe and see what happens.
[Felice]: Let's
[Nicoletta]: back open.
[Felice]: Right. Let's, or, you know, front open.
[Felice]: So it's like you're presenting your genitalia
[Felice]: where your genitals, I didn't order [Nicoletta]: Frankfurters for lunch.
[Felice]: Exactly.
Well,
[Nicoletta]: the thing is that what I'm trying to talk about, I,
[Nicoletta]: I now use the term individuals on the spectrum because you're an adult.
[Nicoletta]: But a,
the reason for the podcast is to know some more information that I or to disseminate information.
[Nicoletta]: I wish I had known when you were five or 15 and now you're 25.
[Nicoletta]: Um, but the other reason is in terms of childhood and middle school,
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00:06:58.701 --> 00:07:00.011
[Nicoletta]: middle school is 2 to 3 years.
It depends on the district before middle school,
they put you in the social skills groups and you were in work groups with others that lacked social skills.
[Felice]: So how the fuck am I supposed to learn how to socialize and be? So be socialable in a social group where nobody knows how to speak or socialize.
[Nicoletta]: The point is so there's the mainstream, right? The mainstream is other-ing kids that are different.
[Nicoletta]: So you put all the kids that are different in one group and expect them to learn social skills without,
[Felice]: right, let alone not knowing how to do social skills.
[Felice]: I never learned how to find and evolve and put be put into
cliques because clique culture exists in middle and high school in America.
I never learned how to seamlessly integrate from one to another.
[Nicoletta]: Well, that's exactly,
[Felice]: it's not like I could identify with
[Felice]: emo kids, goth kids or jocks or whatever.
I was friendly with people
and got shit for it. [Nicoletta]: Well, you were friendly but then they required some precedent. That's what the clique is. So if you are trying to be friendly and somebody isn't
[Felice]: prove your
worth
[Felice]: peasant, right?
[Nicoletta]:It's like uh it's like uh the meaning of life, not the meaning of life.
What is that other movie? [Felice]: Life of Brian?
[Nicoletta]: Brian. Yeah. Life of Brian definitely.
[Felice]: And I did less than zero. [Nicoletta]: But then, but then it's not your fault.
[Nicoletta]: You're trying to be friendly, you know, the script in social skills groups, they teach you the script,
[Felice]: the script of learning how to communicate with other people is hi, how are you?
I'm just trying to make friends
[Felice]: and you speak in a calm, unassuming, unaggressive voice. [Nicoletta]: You
make
eye
contact, like
[Felice]: you forcibly make eye contact even though your natural instinct as somebody on the
spectrum might be to not make eye
contact because that makes you horrifically uncomfortable,
[Nicoletta]: right?
So all the social skills that are in the curriculum are not applicable at all. [Felice]: correct. or it gets missed.
[Nicoletta]: So what that's where we get to hi and stuff being shorthand for.
[Nicoletta]: Let's dispense with all this bullshit, nicety stuff and get on with the point of what we're discussing.
[Felice]: Let's upgrade this discussion to medium talk as quickly as possible.
[Nicoletta]: Medium talk is small talk 2.0
yes.
[Nicoletta]:Hi and stuff. I'm Nicoletta Take off that tight three part garment of guilt, blame and shame.
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[Nicoletta]:We're talking about caring for caregivers in particular sandwich generation.
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[Nicoletta]: Let's talk about sandwich generation.
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[Nicoletta]: In my case with parents that are super seniors
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[Nicoletta]: and adult Children. One on the spectrum.
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[Nicoletta]:I wear many hats. My sandwich is
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[Nicoletta]: in the panini press hot, hot, hot, the smoke alarms going off.
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[Nicoletta]: I'm burning my fingers all hell's breaking loose.
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[Nicoletta]: Believe me, I would like you to help yourself and others by embracing joy.
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[Nicoletta]: Isn't there just one? You, there's just one me joy.
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[Nicoletta]: There's just one you care for caregivers. Where did we get the podcast? Name?
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[Nicoletta]: Hi
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[Nicoletta]: and stuff.
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[Nicoletta]: what does hi and stuff mean? Anyway, as a writer, I'm a big word nerd.
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[Nicoletta]: hi andstuff was shorthand that entered our family's vocabulary.
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[Nicoletta]: When our son was little being a literal thinker,
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[Nicoletta]: he had not much use for everyday banter.
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[Nicoletta]: The small talk or reciprocal speech we all take for granted,
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[Nicoletta]: unlearned social rules, eye contact, et cetera are challenging for nd
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[Nicoletta]: neuro diverse individuals.
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[Nicoletta]: Many blurt out whatever they think this is known as having hashtag
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[Nicoletta]: #nofilter
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[Nicoletta]: So hi and stuff became shorthand
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[Nicoletta]: for the back and forth. Hi, how are you? How's it going?
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[Nicoletta]: How you doing whatever that nobody really cares about at all.
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[Nicoletta]: Welcome to hi andstuff, the podcast.
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[Felice]: Hello and welcome to the High and Stuff podcast. My name is Felice
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[Felice]: Sacco and with me is Nicoletta LaMarca
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[Felice]: Sacco
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[Nicoletta]: hi and stuff. Let's give the audience a little idea of what hi and stuff means.
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[Nicoletta]: So it all started with social skills and small talk. Can you speak to
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[Nicoletta]: your like dislike or neutrality towards small talk
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[Nicoletta]: and just explain what hi and stuff is
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[Nicoletta]: short for [Felice]: hi and stuff is a personal space for us to talk about issues relating to
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[Felice]: socialization and being different from other people. [Nicoletta]: Absolutely.
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[Nicoletta]: So what does hi and stuff mean?
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[Nicoletta]: When did you start saying that or why did you start saying?
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[Felice]: Well, it began many, many years ago
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[Felice]: whenever I wanted to foo
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[Felice]: bar, anything that I wanted to do [Nicoletta]: hi and stuff as far as I understand it,
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[Nicoletta]:but you can definitely weigh in was a very shortened version with your, um, sense of humor
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[Nicoletta]:which I really appreciate, that
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[Nicoletta]: compressed the nonsense about how you're doing. Ok. How's it going?
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[Nicoletta]: How you're doing, all this, into just a simple hi and stuff and
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[Nicoletta]: get into whatever it is you're talking about without the back and forth.
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[Felice]: Of course, we don't need any of the background sway of just saying hello.
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[Felice]: And how's the weather and all that?
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[Felice]: We cut straight to the chase and go graduate
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[Felice]: to medium talk and ask about your sex life.
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[Nicoletta]: That's not medium talk. I think that's pretty deep
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[Nicoletta]: however small talk,
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[Nicoletta]: whether it becomes medium talk or deep talk is pretty dispensable.
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[Nicoletta]: It's a bunch of nicety platitude cliche bullshit. What do you think?
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[Felice]: Well, these platitudes are platitudes for a reason,
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[Felice]: just like how stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason.
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[Felice]: They may not be respectable
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[Felice]: or respectful, but at least they are present
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[Felice]: just like we are in the present moment.
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[Nicoletta]: So while we're testing, I wanted to test out on you some really bad puns.
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[Nicoletta]: So first,
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[Nicoletta]: there's extraordinary story which is a story about parenting
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[Nicoletta]: and autism that I'm working on as you know,
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[Nicoletta]: and the extraordinary is spelled with an A U for autism.
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[Nicoletta]: Then I started going a little nuts.
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[Nicoletta]: I wrote,
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[Nicoletta]: ought to hear this with an A U in the A fantastic parents
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[Nicoletta]: with an ASD in front of the tick in fantastic for autism
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[Nicoletta]: spectrum dis
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[Nicoletta]: autism spectrum disorder, bleugh
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[Nicoletta]: care for the caregiver is really what the overall podcast is
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[Nicoletta]: all about because a lot of times people care for someone else
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[Nicoletta]: and forget to care for themselves. And last but not least the worst of all we put the
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[Nicoletta]: A AU in Awesome, [Felice]: which is spelled wrong, [Nicoletta]: spelled wrong
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[Felice]: for a reason.
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[Nicoletta]: I should care about that since I'm an English teacher, former English teacher.
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[Felice]: Correct.
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[Nicoletta]: Now,
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[Nicoletta]: another thing I wanted to outline actually is
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[Nicoletta]: you really beautiful AI uh derived artwork.
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[Nicoletta]: It's a picture of Lake Florence which we drove past
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[Nicoletta]: just now and it's a short distance from the house.
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[Nicoletta]: So can you tell us a little bit about AI and
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[Nicoletta]: how you um worked through that photograph to make it really pop?
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[Nicoletta]: And by the way, it's on my website, [Felice]: well,
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[Felice]: the artificial intelligence is really just a machine learning neural network.
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[Felice]: A artificial neural network is
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[Felice]: a bunch of nodes and
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[Felice]: edges connecting those nodes trying to imitate and replicate what a human
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[Felice]: brain tries to do when they think about something or learn.
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[Felice]: And this was a computer program that I had written to take computer
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[Felice]: images, digital
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[Felice]: photographs or cartoons and paint over them with the style of other artists.
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[Felice]: This is called artificial style transfer
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[Felice]: or as my interpretation called it artificial
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[Felice]: neural style transfer WCT-TF which stands for
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[Felice]: uh weighted computed
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[Felice]: transfers, which is a method of transferring the style from one
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[Felice]: image to another arbitrarily without needing to
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[Felice]: necessarily train the algorithm on how to paint
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[Felice]: in the style of the scream or the starry night.
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[Felice]: And it's able to paint using any image imaginable.
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[Nicoletta]: So do you remember the style? I thought it might be impressionistic style
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[Nicoletta]: but [Felice]: I made it Cubist
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[Nicoletta]: Cubist. Gotcha. OK.
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[Nicoletta]: Because the view of the lake on a sunny day
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[Nicoletta]: like today is really beautiful and it has those browns,
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[Nicoletta]: greens and blues that I love.
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[Nicoletta]: But your AI derived
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[Nicoletta]: picture of it is really stunning.
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[Nicoletta]: It, it makes a great front page for my website, which is why I use it.
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[Nicoletta]: And of course, I credit you.
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[Nicoletta]: So tell us a little bit more about the
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[Nicoletta]: different types of AI filters and artwork styles
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that you enjoy when you take a picture like
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[Nicoletta]: a photograph and then put it through that filter.
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[Felice]: Well, using WCT-TF, I've learned that this kind of algorithm is very,
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[Felice]: very deterministic.
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[Felice]: It is pure[ly] functional,
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[Felice]: which in programming terms really means that it is only
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[Felice]: going to produce the same results given the same input.
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[Felice]: So garbage in garbage out or diamond in diamond out. [Nicoletta]: Gotcha.
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[Felice]: So the same thing applies to other
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[Felice]: algorithms that also exist.
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[Felice]: Like you may have seen stable diffusion algorithms that
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[Felice]: are free open source and anyone can use,
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[Felice]: it takes a text input where you have to describe an image using words.
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[Felice]: And then
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[Felice]: the algorithm will attempt to make
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[Felice]: an image based on your text prompt similar to technology like
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[Felice]: chat GPT or the new search engine Bing by Microsoft,
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[Felice]: which has been able to take text prompts and
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[Felice]: return all sorts of different instructions on how to automate
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[Felice]: automate the boring stuff.
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[Nicoletta]: You know,
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[Nicoletta]: um You're making me think of something too that
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[Nicoletta]: often comes up on Instagram images where if someone
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[Nicoletta]: is visually impaired,
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[Nicoletta]: it'll actually have a description.
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[Nicoletta]: It says so and so influencer is wearing pink pants and
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[Nicoletta]: a denim shirt and wearing her hair in a page boy
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[Nicoletta]: kind of thing so that they can actually read it or
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[Nicoletta]: even probably have read to them [Felice]: with a screen reader.
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[Felice]: That technology is called alt text and that is
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[Felice]: embedded into images in order to allow the visually impaired
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[Felice]: to
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[Felice]: experience what's in a photo without directly observing it.
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[Felice]: It's been on the web since 1993.
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[Nicoletta]: That also reminds me of whoever is audio, uh audibly impaired.
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[Nicoletta]: Well, I better, I better find out the right word for that. [Felice]: DEAF!
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[Nicoletta]: Yeah, exactly.
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[Felice]: Um
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[Nicoletta]: Because if they can have the transcription, they could obviously either
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[Nicoletta]: listen to it repeatedly or at a higher volume.
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[Nicoletta]: So that would help them as well.
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[Nicoletta]: Um So speaking of that,
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[Nicoletta]: one of my research topics um recently has been
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[Nicoletta]: representation and accessibility online for the neuro diverse.
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[Nicoletta]: So, in Digital Spaces, like some of the story collections that my doctoral
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[Nicoletta]: group has been doing with immigrants, um you know,
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[Nicoletta]: having the previously marginalized voices be heard.
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[Nicoletta]: So immigrants that are coming through now, migrants,
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[Nicoletta]: even refugees coming through now uh who don't speak English,
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[Nicoletta]: providing interpreters for them, make sure making sure their stories are told.
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[Nicoletta]: My particular slice of that though isn't really immigration,
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[Nicoletta]: but a kind of metaphorical migration from parenting with neurotypicals like
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[Nicoletta]: your sister and parenting with neuro diverse like yourself and how
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[Nicoletta]: you migrate from the world of parenting as everybody knows
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[Nicoletta]: and takes for granted to the world of parenting with ND
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[Nicoletta]: that we make up our own dictionary.
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[Nicoletta]: When a child isn't verbal till later in life, we make up our own systems,
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[Nicoletta]: we make up our own strategies.
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[Nicoletta]: We cope for sure we cope with humor quite a bit as you know.
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[Nicoletta]: So as far as accessibility and
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[Nicoletta]: representation online, do you feel like autism in particular is well represented
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[Nicoletta]: that spaces in digital areas are not just representative but accessible.
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[Felice]: It's a tricky question to answer because many
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[Felice]: of the media doesn't necessarily come across a
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[Felice]: autistic story or an autistic character and depict
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[Felice]: them in a meaningful or dignified way.
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[Felice]: And when they do, it may be [done]
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[Felice]: haphazardly or Ham handed uh my favorite example is actually the good doctor,
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[Felice]: which is a TV show I think on CBS,
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[Felice]: which is about a doctor with autism.
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[Felice]: He is a great empath that takes care of his patients,
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[Felice]: both emotionally and physically.
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[Felice]: He is very determined to make sure that all of his patients are alive and well,
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[Felice]: but not only surviving but also thriving.
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[Felice]: And to me that, that's fantastic. It's good representation.
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[Felice]: It gets people thinking and talking about a story
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[Felice]: or a character that they might never experience otherwise,
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[Nicoletta]: you know, I,
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[Nicoletta]: I really agree and I think that recently on parenthood and some other popular shows,
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[Nicoletta]: there have been recurring characters, not just bit players or side show Bob type
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[Nicoletta]: that
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[Nicoletta]: do represent autism or asperger's as it used to
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[Nicoletta]: be called in a way that listeners or viewers can
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[Nicoletta]: show the compassion they should be showing in real life.
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[Nicoletta]: Um So it concerns me a bit because as you know, I'm looking into belonging
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[Nicoletta]: versus being a misfit and we've discussed uh at, at length,
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[Nicoletta]: our nuclear family of four all for, for whatever reason,
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[Nicoletta]: as Children and adolescents have been bullied and being bullied, you know,
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[Nicoletta]: takes its toll.
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[Nicoletta]: It can be something that didn't seem like a lot when it was actually happening,
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[Nicoletta]: but it could stay with a person for quite a long time.
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[Nicoletta]: And I think if we tell stories of ND individuals and we get
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[Nicoletta]: more of that impression of what it means to be neuro diverse today
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[Nicoletta]: there online as we're doing with the podcast,
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[Nicoletta]: then more people will show more compassion, win, win all around.
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Of course. [Nicoletta]: So, you know, that's, that's of interest to me.
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[Nicoletta]: Actually, one of my professors did send me a list that includes literary and
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[Nicoletta]: television or media programming all over that
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[Nicoletta]: represents or misrepresents persons on the spectrum.
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[Nicoletta]: My great interest in that has been sort of the book ended media of my,
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[Nicoletta]: my life really.
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[Nicoletta]: In 1988 I went to the movies like everyone else and watched Rain Man
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[Nicoletta]: in the on the big screen and there's Dustin Hoffman and Tom Cruise,
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[Nicoletta]: you know, big names and
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[Nicoletta]: kind of portraying
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[Nicoletta]: a stereotype of a mixture of intellectual
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[Nicoletta]: and developmental disability that was based on someone
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[Nicoletta]: Kim Pete who didn't even really have autism. He had savantism
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[Nicoletta]: and he had an intellectual disability.
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[Nicoletta]: But Rain Man, as he was portrayed by Dustin Hoffman
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[Nicoletta]: was several degrees and stuff away from the person
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[Nicoletta]: he had studied in order to play the character.
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[Nicoletta]: So then it brings me to the question when you were little, maybe a less.
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[Nicoletta]: We went to see the the theater portrayal of the fiction book,
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[Nicoletta]: the curious incident of the dog in the night
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[Nicoletta]: time and what they did with the stage lighting
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[Nicoletta]: and audio design is portray a panic attack of the main character stuck
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[Nicoletta]: and lost in a subway system which he had memorized map wise.
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[Nicoletta]: That was his Savantism
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[Nicoletta]: that was his gift,
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[Nicoletta]: but never realized what the hell would happen if he
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[Nicoletta]: actually went and got lost down in the tube.
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[Nicoletta]: It's
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[Nicoletta]: so it's called the tube
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[Felice]: the practicality of
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[Felice]: mapping out. Everything.
429
00:22:29.115 --> 00:22:32.926
[Felice]: Mathematically doesn't actually work for this character, [Nicoletta]: right?
430
00:22:32.936 --> 00:22:36.115
[Nicoletta]: Because the map is math, it's just a grid, it's just a graph. It's really, math
431
00:22:36.286 --> 00:22:39.686
[Felice]: that's like saying, how could you be lost in New York? The streets are numbered.
432
00:22:39.895 --> 00:22:43.715
[Felice]: That's something that isn't going to be understood by somebody who
433
00:22:43.725 --> 00:22:48.416
[Felice]: uses landmarks as a prime way of navigating a city.
434
00:22:48.426 --> 00:22:51.245
[Nicoletta]: Well, thanks for reminding me of one of my most panicked moments
435
00:22:51.348 --> 00:22:54.828
[Nicoletta]: as a mom when I knew after the fact. Thank you
436
00:22:54.989 --> 00:22:59.168
[Nicoletta]: that you got lost in New York when your class went on a class trip to Chinatown
437
00:22:59.178 --> 00:23:03.598
[Nicoletta]: and your phone was out of battery and you found your way back to the group anyway.
438
00:23:03.609 --> 00:23:06.678
[Nicoletta]: Hi, five. [Felice]: I'm alive. [Nicoletta]: Correct.
439
00:23:06.818 --> 00:23:09.899
[Nicoletta]: Um So back to the curious incident. I mean,
440
00:23:10.019 --> 00:23:14.468
[Nicoletta]: so the stage designer and stage manager made the lights
441
00:23:14.479 --> 00:23:19.288
[Nicoletta]: and the noise and everything mimic sort of all the screaming
442
00:23:19.661 --> 00:23:21.631
[Nicoletta]: subway trains and [Felice]: it was very much a, a
443
00:23:22.102 --> 00:23:27.171
[Felice]: hallucinatory recreation of being trapped in a foreign country where
444
00:23:27.182 --> 00:23:30.011
[Felice]: you are unfamiliar and it was kind of seizure inducing.
445
00:23:30.021 --> 00:23:33.421
[Nicoletta]: Well, I'm just wondering, what did you feel at that moment?
446
00:23:33.432 --> 00:23:35.972
[Nicoletta]: Because I remember that before intermission,
447
00:23:35.982 --> 00:23:39.202
[Nicoletta]: we did have to take a break and walk out into the lobby to get some air.
448
00:23:39.212 --> 00:23:42.432
[Nicoletta]: So what were you feeling at that time? [Felice]: I was feeling kind of called out.
449
00:23:42.442 --> 00:23:47.491
[Felice]: I felt as though my life was not necessarily represented for the better,
450
00:23:47.594 --> 00:23:52.935
[Felice]: worse, but more so I felt as though I was being targeted
451
00:23:53.305 --> 00:23:57.925
[Felice]: or a prime suspect for being not necessarily
452
00:23:57.935 --> 00:24:01.824
[Felice]: attacked because that's definitely a strong term for a
453
00:24:01.834 --> 00:24:06.454
[Felice]: musical more so I felt embarrassed to go because
454
00:24:06.464 --> 00:24:09.864
[Felice]: this is a collection of songs, pieces and,
455
00:24:10.064 --> 00:24:15.614
[Felice]: and bombastic segments that really describe myself in a lot of ways. But it
456
00:24:15.718 --> 00:24:17.258
[Felice]: also doesn't
457
00:24:17.387 --> 00:24:18.378
[Felice]: in a lot of ways. [Nicoletta]: Well,
458
00:24:18.628 --> 00:24:22.567
[Nicoletta]: this is what I have to get. [Felice]: It makes it relatable in some ways.
459
00:24:23.078 --> 00:24:25.637
[Nicoletta]: It made the nt people in the audience,
460
00:24:25.647 --> 00:24:27.937
[Nicoletta]: which is always the majority really uh you know,
461
00:24:27.947 --> 00:24:30.228
[Nicoletta]: uh understand and empathize with how a
462
00:24:30.238 --> 00:24:33.297
[Nicoletta]: panic attack might feel inside someone's mind.
463
00:24:33.307 --> 00:24:34.307
[Nicoletta]: The thing is,
464
00:24:34.437 --> 00:24:38.578
[Nicoletta]: I was absolutely stupefied when I found out this was a work of fiction.
465
00:24:38.628 --> 00:24:40.537
[Nicoletta]: So it was accurate, you're saying
466
00:24:40.677 --> 00:24:42.277
[Felice]: it was scarily
467
00:24:42.478 --> 00:24:43.157
[Felice]: accurate.
468
00:24:43.840 --> 00:24:44.230
[Nicoletta]: So
469
00:24:44.490 --> 00:24:48.211
[Nicoletta]: I wonder if maybe a bit more research into the
470
00:24:48.220 --> 00:24:51.941
[Nicoletta]: author and the adapter of the screenplay from the novel,
471
00:24:52.350 --> 00:24:52.630
[Nicoletta]: you know,
472
00:24:52.640 --> 00:24:57.340
[Nicoletta]: would be helpful because Rain Man is also fictional based on
473
00:24:57.350 --> 00:25:02.921
[Nicoletta]: supposedly what Kim Pete experienced in life as an nd individual,
474
00:25:02.931 --> 00:25:07.661
[Nicoletta]: however, not a portrayal of him, an interpretation of Dustin Hoffman,
475
00:25:07.671 --> 00:25:11.860
[Nicoletta]: which arguably we could say like one of the greatest actors of his generation,
476
00:25:12.099 --> 00:25:15.000
[Nicoletta]: but interpreting it in whatever way he chose or
477
00:25:15.010 --> 00:25:18.319
[Nicoletta]: whatever way he interpreted it as an nt person,
478
00:25:18.329 --> 00:25:19.390
[Nicoletta]: which isn't right.
479
00:25:19.510 --> 00:25:22.089
[Nicoletta]: So now fast forward like parenthood, [Felice]: I don't
480
00:25:22.199 --> 00:25:22.250
[Felice]: know,
481
00:25:22.270 --> 00:25:25.449
[Nicoletta]: some of these other shows will employ actors
482
00:25:25.459 --> 00:25:28.239
[Nicoletta]: that have the disability they're trying to portray,
483
00:25:28.250 --> 00:25:30.060
[Nicoletta]: for example, in breaking bad,
484
00:25:30.290 --> 00:25:31.089
[Nicoletta]: right? The character, Flynn
485
00:25:31.680 --> 00:25:34.000
[Nicoletta]: right? With CP, he has CP,
486
00:25:34.550 --> 00:25:39.319
[Nicoletta]: however, he is exaggerating it for the audience. So then we want to say,
487
00:25:39.459 --> 00:25:41.656
[Nicoletta]: is it for entertain attainment purposes?
488
00:25:41.666 --> 00:25:43.985
[Nicoletta]: We're cheapening someone's disability,
489
00:25:43.995 --> 00:25:46.816
[Nicoletta]: we're representing them by hiring an actor with a disability.
490
00:25:46.826 --> 00:25:51.206
[Nicoletta]: But we're saying, make it more exaggerated "for art's sake".
491
00:25:51.215 --> 00:25:57.005
[Nicoletta]: And I could say it's just a tiny step from saying for art's sake then for comedy sake.
492
00:25:57.015 --> 00:26:02.225
[Nicoletta]: And that means that the overall nt audience looks and says, see that's that R word,
493
00:26:02.235 --> 00:26:04.036
[Nicoletta]: you know CP guy
494
00:26:04.345 --> 00:26:09.105
[Nicoletta]: with all his spasms and with his tics and does that further the
495
00:26:09.212 --> 00:26:15.171
[Nicoletta]: cause of DEI, you know, accessibility, tolerance, support network and so on.
496
00:26:15.182 --> 00:26:18.251
[Nicoletta]: Like you're going to exaggerate something which a lot of assholes
497
00:26:18.261 --> 00:26:20.442
[Nicoletta]: in the audience are going to find funny and laugh at
498
00:26:20.552 --> 00:26:24.141
[Nicoletta]: which in real life they're also laughing at and they use the R word
499
00:26:24.682 --> 00:26:25.291
[Nicoletta]: and
500
00:26:25.401 --> 00:26:26.312
[Felice]: it's not.
501
00:26:26.442 --> 00:26:26.881
[Nicoletta]: So,
502
00:26:26.891 --> 00:26:30.171
[Nicoletta]: so there's equity where the actor is hired and has that
503
00:26:30.182 --> 00:26:33.631
[Nicoletta]: disability but they're being told oh exaggerated for the camera.
504
00:26:33.761 --> 00:26:37.462
[Nicoletta]: Where are we? [Felice]: Well, we are at a weird crossroads of
505
00:26:37.767 --> 00:26:43.478
[Felice]: an example of this is uh Glee where they have a character who is in a wheelchair,
506
00:26:43.488 --> 00:26:48.718
[Felice]: but the actor who plays him is not disabled in any way, shape or form, they are
507
00:26:49.197 --> 00:26:51.677
[Felice]: able to stand up and walk and whatnot.
508
00:26:51.787 --> 00:26:54.537
[Felice]: But they use that character
509
00:26:54.907 --> 00:27:01.468
[Felice]: in order to emphasize a diversity message, which I guess a for effort they tried
510
00:27:01.927 --> 00:27:06.228
[Felice]: but it's a show about musical numbers and people,
511
00:27:06.323 --> 00:27:08.453
[Felice]: high school passing their chemistry test.
512
00:27:08.764 --> 00:27:11.374
[Felice]: My other favorite example is also from Glee.
513
00:27:11.384 --> 00:27:14.634
[Felice]: This woman is an actor who isn't pregnant, but in the show,
514
00:27:14.644 --> 00:27:18.223
[Felice]: she's pregnant for two seasons or so and
515
00:27:18.394 --> 00:27:21.823
[Felice]: they just probably stuffed a pillow underneath her shirt
516
00:27:21.994 --> 00:27:23.484
[Felice]: or something like that.
517
00:27:23.764 --> 00:27:26.213
[Nicoletta]: I mean, it works on soap operas. I've seen it done.
518
00:27:26.234 --> 00:27:26.933
[Nicoletta]: But then again,
519
00:27:26.943 --> 00:27:30.904
[Nicoletta]: when I was watching soap operas was in the eighties where nobody gave a shit about DEI
520
00:27:30.913 --> 00:27:34.744
[Nicoletta]: knew what that stood for what it was or what the concept was [Felice]: as long as the Mexican
521
00:27:35.189 --> 00:27:39.579
[Felice]: did the Mexican thing. Well, and this is funny too. Um,
522
00:27:40.069 --> 00:27:44.140
[Nicoletta]: I forget what movie was being shown and they made a point of
523
00:27:44.150 --> 00:27:47.849
[Nicoletta]: not making the terrorists from the Middle East because it's such a cliche
524
00:27:48.239 --> 00:27:50.260
[Nicoletta]: and how to be more inclusive of people.
525
00:27:50.310 --> 00:27:52.479
[Felice]: So they decided to make Russians the terrorist.
526
00:27:52.500 --> 00:27:55.780
[Nicoletta]: Well, I mean, like what, you know, pick your bad guy kind of thing.
527
00:27:56.319 --> 00:27:58.699
It's like 9/11 means... [Felice]: again
528
00:27:58.959 --> 00:28:03.260
[Nicoletta]: well, not, well, ok, so 911 made a lot of stupid people,
529
00:28:03.579 --> 00:28:09.030
[Nicoletta]: you know, mix up Indians and Middle Eastern and what, you know, anything,
530
00:28:09.040 --> 00:28:10.750
[Felice]: anything with a hijab.
531
00:28:11.160 --> 00:28:16.829
[Nicoletta]: Right. And, or, [Felice]: or a turban right. [Nicoletta]: And, or any kind of religious wear at all.
532
00:28:16.849 --> 00:28:18.400
[Nicoletta]: The problem is now
533
00:28:18.630 --> 00:28:22.569
[Nicoletta]: that people may or may not remember 9/11 is
534
00:28:22.579 --> 00:28:25.079
[Nicoletta]: that now we have post COVID where people just,
535
00:28:25.260 --> 00:28:29.239
[Nicoletta]: you know, throw acid in the faces of Koreans, Vietnamese,
536
00:28:29.343 --> 00:28:33.223
[Nicoletta]: Japanese, Chinese and call it, you know, the Chinese flu and all this.
537
00:28:33.233 --> 00:28:37.123
[Nicoletta]: It's just an excuse for the next racist trope to come out.
538
00:28:37.253 --> 00:28:39.863
[Nicoletta]: So that stupid white Americans
539
00:28:40.093 --> 00:28:44.282
[Nicoletta]: who we found out the hard way are at least 50%
540
00:28:44.292 --> 00:28:47.253
[Nicoletta]: of at least voters if not 50% of this country.
541
00:28:47.322 --> 00:28:51.932
[Felice]: Well, America was founded on racist principles, [Nicoletta]: right? For sure.
542
00:28:51.942 --> 00:28:52.932
[Felice]: I mean, what, what else
543
00:28:53.603 --> 00:28:54.083
[Felice]: be,
544
00:28:54.422 --> 00:28:55.003
[Felice]: how,
545
00:28:55.105 --> 00:28:58.965
[Felice]: what else could you possibly or plausibly claim
546
00:28:59.145 --> 00:29:03.985
[Felice]: that we Americans loved freedom whilst slave owning, [Nicoletta]: please. [Felice]: That's
547
00:29:04.115 --> 00:29:06.676
[Felice]: ridiculous. [Nicoletta]: Jefferson as the framer
548
00:29:07.186 --> 00:29:10.416
[Nicoletta]: that was screwing his own sister
549
00:29:10.556 --> 00:29:11.286
[Nicoletta]: in law
550
00:29:11.566 --> 00:29:17.686
[Nicoletta]: and having quote mulatto Children that were Jeffersons with the last name Hemmings
551
00:29:18.686 --> 00:29:20.776
[Nicoletta]: is the number one hypocrite
552
00:29:21.296 --> 00:29:22.286
[Nicoletta]: in America. Ok.
553
00:29:22.656 --> 00:29:24.635
[Nicoletta]: So anyway, let's leave it there.
554
00:29:25.089 --> 00:29:27.530
[Felice]: Let's not leave it. [Nicoletta]: Nice test
555
00:29:28.300 --> 00:29:30.599
[Together]: bye and stuff.
556
00:29:36.790 --> 00:29:38.050
[Nicoletta]: I will die.
557
00:29:38.290 --> 00:29:43.609
[Nicoletta]: I will die on a still day. Air, unmoving, no precipitation,
558
00:29:44.219 --> 00:29:46.859
[Nicoletta]: no humid hand grasping for mine.
559
00:29:47.479 --> 00:29:50.699
[Nicoletta]: You will still depend on me but I will be gone.
560
00:29:51.040 --> 00:29:53.290
[Nicoletta]: You will still need a mother's touch
561
00:29:53.420 --> 00:29:55.170
[Nicoletta]: but my lips will be still
562
00:29:55.660 --> 00:29:59.560
[Nicoletta]: no one telling you to watch out for consequences.
563
00:29:59.939 --> 00:30:02.890
[Nicoletta]: Your sister will know exactly what has happened.
564
00:30:03.079 --> 00:30:06.010
[Nicoletta]: You'll have to ask her to walk in my shoes.
565
00:30:06.709 --> 00:30:09.239
[Nicoletta]: I tried to live forever for you.
566
00:30:09.349 --> 00:30:14.180
[Nicoletta]: Then added that to my sack of failed attempts to be your human shield
567
00:30:14.910 --> 00:30:18.609
[Nicoletta]: on my bookshelves, all the books I've ever read
568
00:30:18.920 --> 00:30:23.150
[Nicoletta]: in my messy pile of index cards you call old fashioned
569
00:30:23.670 --> 00:30:26.689
[Nicoletta]: piles of files on your care, annotated,
570
00:30:26.800 --> 00:30:29.199
[Nicoletta]: antiseptic, cold. And still,
571
00:30:29.790 --> 00:30:32.689
[Nicoletta]: if you look for signs of me, still,
572
00:30:32.890 --> 00:30:37.010
[Nicoletta]: you will find no more home cooked meals or hugs
573
00:30:37.329 --> 00:30:41.520
[Nicoletta]: you one day released from the hospital to a drafty shelter.
574
00:30:41.660 --> 00:30:46.319
[Nicoletta]: Me dead, unable to indignantly convey the ire. I feel
575
00:30:46.849 --> 00:30:51.130
[Nicoletta]: unable to say over my dead body as they lead you away.
576
00:30:51.560 --> 00:30:54.579
[Nicoletta]: Sometimes I do imagine the unimaginable
577
00:30:55.140 --> 00:30:56.520
[Nicoletta]: what mother wouldn't,
578
00:30:56.829 --> 00:30:57.520
[Nicoletta]: doesn't
579
00:30:58.060 --> 00:31:05.160
[Nicoletta]: you half petrified and half unaware? What has your continuous need of me concocted?
580
00:31:05.170 --> 00:31:07.020
[Nicoletta]: But a cacophony of pain.
581
00:31:07.540 --> 00:31:09.650
[Nicoletta]: I watch as if from afar.
582
00:31:10.260 --> 00:31:14.689
[Nicoletta]: You at your laptop tinkering or smaller under my arm.
583
00:31:14.859 --> 00:31:19.550
[Nicoletta]: I hear you giggle calling. But for once, I cannot answer
584
00:31:20.050 --> 00:31:23.280
[Nicoletta]: you making funny faces in the steamed up mirror
585
00:31:23.290 --> 00:31:26.680
[Nicoletta]: before monsters created the need for self harm.
586
00:31:27.339 --> 00:31:30.099
[Nicoletta]: I have mourned you more this year than ever.
587
00:31:30.469 --> 00:31:34.599
[Nicoletta]: One day you will mourn me in your inscrutable way
588
00:31:34.930 --> 00:31:37.949
[Nicoletta]: that I don't know now and I won't know then
589
00:31:38.550 --> 00:31:40.979
[Nicoletta]: it will be up to others to decipher
590
00:31:41.109 --> 00:31:42.189
[Nicoletta]: what you mean
591
00:31:42.430 --> 00:31:46.040
[Nicoletta]: and what you need. [Nicoletta]: Thanks and stuff to our sponsors,
592
00:31:46.250 --> 00:31:49.040
[Nicoletta]: The Hill studio record label and Joy.
593
00:31:49.229 --> 00:31:52.839
[Nicoletta]: Just one you coaching and caring for caregivers.
594
00:31:53.420 --> 00:31:56.410
[Nicoletta]: You can show your support by subscribing and
595
00:31:56.420 --> 00:31:59.209
[Nicoletta]: please take a look at my website Nicoletta
596
00:31:59.530 --> 00:31:59.859
[Nicoletta]: LaMarca
597
00:32:00.089 --> 00:32:02.469
[Nicoletta]: sacco.com for my blog
598
00:32:02.599 --> 00:32:07.489
[Nicoletta]: and other stuff. Give us a follow. Thanks for joining us. See you next time,
599
00:32:07.699 --> 00:32:12.030
[Nicoletta]: bye and stuff. Check out Sunny's AI design street wear
600
00:32:12.170 --> 00:32:12.750
at kobykotiv
601
00:32:13.319 --> 00:32:14.369
on Instagram.
602
00:32:14.520 --> 00:32:21.750
That's at Kobykotiv on Instagram,
603
00:32:22.790 --> 00:32:22.920
Kobykotiv.com
604
00:32:23.239 --> 00:32:24.810
TRANSCRIPT BY FELICE SACCO